At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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