Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
