yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
