oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
