I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
