sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Two words: blizzard sex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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