Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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