Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
