You just made me feel so damn special
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
