that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
