LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
