i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
