college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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