Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
