cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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