the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
