can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my shit smells like andre
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
