These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
