ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
