I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
