my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would fuck him just for his dog
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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