my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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