My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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