thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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