I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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