You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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