I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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