My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What a dumb baby whore.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
