WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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