he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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