i was born a porn star she said
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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