Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
