it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
