My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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