The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
