No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I smell stomach acid.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
