wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
