i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
