Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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