on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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