I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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