Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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