there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
