your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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