Me too!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
