Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
