Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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