and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
