Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
