They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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