have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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