It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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