Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
