It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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