Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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