20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
