"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
