Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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