Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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