You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
