my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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