Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
