you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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