I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Terrible idea I love it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
