I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize