my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love accidental penises.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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