I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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