dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
