dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
