the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
