Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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