God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
